...Logophile

I love words. I especially love putting the right combination of words together to encapsulate something so succinctly, so perfectly.

For example, I love the phrase SHIT STORM.

As in...

"Ooh girl, I can't believe Denise done caught Dwayne cheatin' on her with Tonya. Shoot, he's only been out of a jail three months and I heard Tonya's knocked up. What a SHIT STORM."

It's a funny, descriptive, and pragmatic phrase that you can use in a variety of situations, in a variety of ways.

I recently heard an upgrade to the phrase, which I had never heard before, and which I'm now adopting and using as my own.

So I think I'm going to have to break up with SHIT STORM.

Dear SHIT STORM,
We've had some really good laughs over the years. You'll always have a special place in my heart. But we're just not working out anymore. A new phrase has come into my life, and it's really special. I really have fun with this new phrase. It's just bigger and better and funnier than you are. I'm really sorry, but I am trading up with my meteorological jet stream phrases. I hope we can still be friends.
-Jennifer

So what phrase have I just fallen head over heels in love with?

Meet SHIT TORNADO.

Yes, when a storm can no longer describe the extreme shittiness of a situation, you bring in the tornado. How can a mere storm even compare with a tornado? Poor storm never had a chance.

SHIT TORNADO is especially effective when said with a southern drawl where all three syllables in TOR-NA-DO can really be drawn out in their full glory, adding even more emphasis to an already disastrous situation.

So if you thought Denise's situation was bad before, just wait until the SHIT TORNADO hits.

As in...

"That Dwayne's sure been busy. I heard he's also been catting around with that girl Misty from down at the Pump and Dump. She's already got eleven babies, all with different baby daddies. All this goin' on, and then poor Denise's trailer catches on fire last week. She done lost everything. Shoot, she just had new aluminum sidin' in-stalled last month. The po-lice are saying a little 'coon done started the fire, bit Denise on the ass, and then just took off. Denise's had to get 5 rabies shots. Can you believe that? What a real SHIT TORNADO."